#spreadthelove

I got an anonymous handwritten, hand-delivered letter through my letterbox this morning and it has made my day so much that I thought I would share it with more people hoping to inspire them to do the same thing for somebody else.

The letter says:

The beauty of life is flashing brightly all around you today. You feel the joy of life with every step and every conversation. You are blessed. ♡

I can't believe somebody has take time out of their day to write that note for me! I am so overwhelmed and full of joy that I can not even express in words how lovely this has made me feel! Every thing I do today feels wonderful.  Even doing chores has been uplifting!

There are some amazingly, wonderful people in this world who do such beautiful things like this to make others feel special and loved!

I am hoping that this anonymous person gets to read this so they know how much it meant to me and I also hope that you feel inspired to do this for somebody as it will really brighten up their day in a way that words can't express!

#spreadthelove

Why should you set New Year's Resolutions?

Now I know there are mixed feelings about setting New Year's Resolutions. Some people swear by them, others refuse to make them and others try to keep them to the best of their ability. I, personally have been all 3 at different stages in my life! Maybe you have too! But I have come to the conclusion that they are a great thing to do!

I'm not really one for saying what you 'should' or 'shouldn't' do - that's down to freedom of choice.

I'm guessing some people would actually like to make them but don't incase they will be disappointed if they don't go well. If that's you, then this article is definitely for you! Others prefer to just go along with the flow and if that's their secret recipe to a happy, fulfilling life then great. But if they go along with the flow and don't have a happy and fulfilling life, then considering setting resolutions could be good for them.

What is a resolution?

So first of all, let's look at the definition of a resolution.  It's simply 'a firm decision to do or not do something'. So this would indicate a 'determination'.  Unfortunately, many resolutions are set without a determination to succeed - hence the reason why so many can fail. Now failure is another word which is misconstrued! Failure is 'not achieving the desired result' but I believe there's a word missing. That word is "Yet".  Failure is one of life's important lessons but unfortunately, many of us are afraid of it. By failing, that's how we learn to do things differently. When babies are trying to learn to walk, they don't think they are failures! They work out what to do differently and they keep trying! Thomas Edison's quote "I have not failed, I have just found 10,000 ways which won't work" sums it up nicely.

So if we've established that a good resolution is to be determined to achieve something and that we learn from our mistakes along the way, that's a great start to setting resolutions.

So why do we need resolutions?

Without resolutions, we can just drift along in our day to day life a bit like a ship in the sea without a compass! When you know where you are going, you have focus. By having focus, you can go to many places rather than drifting!

Rather than just setting wishy-washy resolutions without focus, there are ways you can set them to keep you focused and motivated. If you'd like to find out what these are, I have a free report which you can download here:

http://nicolinazarola.wix.com/freereport

One final word …

Resolutions aren't only restricted to being set in the New Year! You can set them any time of the year. In fact, they are even better if they are reviewed regularly throughout the year. This helps to keep you focused, determined & motivated and you can tweak them if necessary. 

Good luck! I hope you make some resolutions if you haven't already and I hope you achieve them. I also hope you grow and learn along your way! You learn so much about yourself when you set resolutions. That's a reason in itself to set them!

Would you like to control your stress?

Image by Stuart Miles - Freedigitalphotos.net

As it's National Stress Awareness Day on 6th November, I thought I would do a quick article to help raise awareness on combating stress! 

Stress is necessary in exceptional circumstances where we need it to 'Fight or Flight' especially in times of survival. When we were faced with greater challenges ie being chased by a bear, we would need to completely focus on our survival and either fight or run! 

Unfortunately, we still use this stress response when we don't need to fight or flight! And worse still, it is to the detriment of our health! Basically our bodies release hormones to aid our stressful situations. One of these hormones is called cortisol. Normally after fighting or flighting, our cortisol levels return to normal. But when we keep getting stressed unnecessarily, we keep releasing cortisol and this can affect our health unless we exercise or relax to help levels return to normal!

So before we get stressed, we should look at our 'awfuliser' scale!  An Awfuliser Scale is basically a scale from 0-100 of actually how awful an event is. 100 would be life threatening and 0 would be not awful at all! If it's 100, you would need to get stressed to survive! So whenever you get into a stressful situation, give it a rating to help you determine how awful it really is!

As you read through this article, you will realise (if you don't already) that it's not the events which cause our stress, it's actually our own interpretation of the event and how we choose to react to them! This is why some people get stressed over minor issues whereas others don't even get stressed about major issues.

One example of a minor issue is getting stuck in traffic on the motorway on the way to an event ie job interview. You can actually choose how you respond. One way could be to scream and shout at all the cars in front of you, blame others for making you late in the first place etc. Or you could make use of the time, put on your favourite music and chill out or practice questions for your job interview.  Some of you may be wondering how you possibly can't get stressed as you might not get the job if you're late etc, so let's break it down!!

First of all (after checking your awfuliser scale), what would getting stressed out actually achieve?  Not a lot really. It would release cortisol and adrenalin to help us 'fight or flight'. Well you can't go anywhere! So you can't fight or flight! This is where stress is affecting our health as these hormones build up! Normally running away or fighting would help the levels return to normal. So if you get stressed out on a regular basis, you really should be reducing your levels through exercise! Also turning up for a job interview stressed out probably wouldn't do you any favours either. When you're in stressed out mode, you're in 'survival mode' which also shuts down your IQ. When you're running away from a bear, you don't need a high IQ! Your sense of humour also disappears when under stress so this probably wouldn't help your interview either! Lots of things shut down so you can focus on survival! Have you ever been stressed out and not been able to find your keys even when they're right under your nose?!

So how about looking at some of your choices?

Can I change it? 
Can I change me? 
Can I accept it?
How can I work around it?

One of my favourite quotes is the serenity prayer ...

"Grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference" (Reinhold Niebuhr)

Sometimes, we need to look at things from a different perspective!

So you can't change the situation, what can you do instead? Think about your other options. Practising for the interview could be good and putting on some good music. You will turn up at the interview prepared and calm rather than stressed and flustered - a much better impression! 

Apart from exercising to help with stress, relaxation is another great way.  Have you ever come out of a nerve wrecking event i.e. an exam and let out a huge sigh of relief? Well, that's actually you telling your body that the stress is all over, you can let it all go. So taking some deep breaths in and out is actually a great way to relieve stress. One of my favourite relaxation techniques is to simply put on some relaxing music, close my eyes and as I breathe in, say "I am relaxing" and as I breathe out, say "I am letting go of all my tension". You can do this for whatever length of time you choose and after practising this in a relaxing environment, you can incorporate it into your your life whenever you feel stress arising -  you can simply breathe in and out and say "Relax and let go".  

Finally, I have a little equation which you may find useful. O=E+R (Outcome equals Event Plus Reaction). Think about the Outcome you want so you can control your Reaction to the Event. So going back to the stuck in traffic scenario - The Outcome is creating a good impression at the interview. The Event is the traffic jam and the Reaction is how you choose to react to the situation. Which reaction would you prefer to choose?

I hope this article has helped you and hope you are able to manage your stress well. If you need a helping hand with stress, please feel free to get in touch!

Autumn Newsletter - Embracing Change

I Can Life Coaching - Autumn Newsletter   Embracing Change Welcome to the Autumn Newsletter and what better time to talk about change with the beautiful change in season and gorgeous leaf colours around us! I hope you like the picture above - As well as representing the autumn colours nicely, I thought it also represented 'change' nicely too:  We can see the first few steps going upwards in front of us yet we know there is more beyond them, we just can't see them yet - we're going into the unknown! Sometimes this unknown creates fear and other times it creates excitement. Whether you embrace or fear change, it is happening around us all of the time. For some of us it's an exciting adventure whereas for others it can be frightening. We can have a mixture of emotions ranging from excitement and anticipation to denial, anger and guilt. Sometimes, we can feel incompetent with a new experience and other times we can feel excited. It's important to acknowledge our feelings however we feel - as our feelings are our guiders and protectors. Our feelings come from our thoughts and lead onto our actions. So it's important to listen to them. Once we listen to them and acknowledge them for what they really are, we are then able to make a judgement call on how to deal with them. Sometimes our fears can inhibit us and stop us from changing.  We like what we know and we feel comfortable and confident there. The problem can arise though when we get stuck there. Whilst some fears are justified (for example, don't put your hand in fire) others can be unwarranted (for example, don't leave your house incase something happens to you).  I give extremes here to highlight the difference. What is important, is to understand our thoughts 'consciously'. We often live our lives subconsciously (which is necessary as we don't really want to be consciously thinking about walking, blinking etc)! Our subconscious mind makes up about 95% of our thinking! However, sometimes, some of our subconscious thoughts can overtake our thinking to the detriment of living a happy and fulfilling life - that's where conscious thinking comes in. Again, some conscious thoughts help us and some hinder us. It's important to raise our awareness to these thoughts so we can choose the best decision for us. We need to listen to our inner self to understand if this is a real fear (i.e. don't burn your hand) or an unlikely fear. Sometimes, the best decision comes from leaving our Comfort Zone (see opposite picture on the right). The middle represents our comfort zone, the bit that we know and feel comfortable and confident in. The outside represents our panic zone - this is where you try something which is far beyond your reach, which makes things too scary. Then we have the bit in-between - which is your stretch zone - this is where most of your growth takes part, it just stretches you a little bit but not too much to make you panic! When you operate in this zone, you are constantly learning and growing. You can try new things and experience life here! Once we are ready to accept change, we can move forward happy and confident with our learning experience onto a new beginning. After all, life is for experiencing and enjoying our journey.  Don't forget to stop and explore all of your steps along the way as often the beauty can be found along the journey rather than the destination! Connecting: If you need a helping hand on dealing with change in your life or if you would like to find out more about Life Coaching, please feel free to call me for a chat on (01993) 824993 or click on your preferred link below: Email: info@icanlifecoaching.co.uk View my website: www.icanlifecoaching.co.uk Follow my Facebook Page: ICanLifeCoaching Join me on Twitter: @icanlifecoachin Connect with me on LinkedIn: Nicolina Zarola Read my blog: icanlifecoaching.blogspot.co.uk Follow me on Pinterest: icanlifecoachin How are you getting on with your New Year's Resolutions this year?! Please don't feel bad if you gave up on them months ago! Apparently 80% of people give up on them. Look on the bright side - You still have just over 2 months to achieve them. Was it the change that stopped you from achieving them? Were you being pushed out of your comfort zone maybe? Did you start off excited then lost your motivation? Or was it your fears - we can have a fear of success as well as failure! Was it that real life got in the way? Well now you've read the article on the left, you may start to think about what stopped you 'consciously' and resurrect them again. Think how good you will feel if you still achieve them. Maybe you could write down the things that got in your way and look at them objectively to see how you can overcome those obstacles. Whatever the reason and however you overcome your obstacles, you can still do it! If you're finding it difficult to do so on your own, please feel free to contact me as you may have something blocking you which needs unblocking! The Serenity Prayer "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I can not change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference" Reinhold Niebuhr A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step Lao Tzu Sharing: If you like this newsletter and feel others may benefit, please feel free to share by clicking on the links below: Like Tweet Forward to Friend +1 Share If a friend has forwarded this to you and you would like to subscribe, please click here. I only send out emails periodically and you can unsubscribe at any time.

Copyright © 2013 I Can Life Coaching, All rights reserved. unsubscribe from this list    update subscription preferences All content in my newsletters is based on my own opinion, whether from my training, books I've read or my own life experience. You are responsible for your own choices and actions as you are the true expert on your life!

I Love Myself !

"I Love Myself" How comfortable do you feel actually saying that? Do you feel great or do you feel uneasy?  

If you find it difficult to say, maybe it's the way you look at it.  You might think that by saying you love yourself, you are declaring that you are better than other people.  Or maybe you know someone who 'loves themselves' in an overconfident way where they look down on others. Maybe you think it's for people with big egos?

However you look at it, loving yourself isn't about putting yourself on a pedestal and believing you are better than other people. It's about accepting yourself for your true authentic self 'warts and all'!  Loving yourself including your imperfections is essential for self-esteem; Nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes.  

How do you feel now saying "I love myself"? Maybe it's easier to put something at the end i.e. "I love myself for who I am" or "I love myself even though I'm not perfect but I try my best".

Can you love yourself for who you truly are - whilst being equal to everyone else too?  I hope so. Recognise yourself for all the good things you are and appreciate all of your qualities. Yes, you do have qualities - everybody does!

If you need a helping hand with being able to love yourself, please feel free to contact me for a free introductory life coaching session to find out how life coaching can help you learn to love yourself. Together we can explore what's holding you back and look at what you have going for you so you can feel confident with your true, wonderful, unique self. 

Live, laugh, Love!

Nicolina Zarola

Tel: (01993) 824993
Email: info@icanlifecoaching.co.uk

What's all this talk about positive thinking?!

I Can Life Coaching Summer Newsletter

I Can Life Coaching - Summer Newsletter   What's all this talk about positive thinking?! I have sometimes heard and even thought in the past things like 'So if I positively think and believe that the sun will come out, will it?' Obviously I didn't believe it would - especially if it was tipping down with rain! And not surprisingly, all the positive thinking in the world, wouldn't force the sun to come out! So how can you think positively then and expect positive results? The beauty of positive thinking is to not control the outcome but to embrace whatever happens. So when it rains and people say 'It's good for the garden" - that is actually positive thinking!  We need the rain! Whatever life gives you, it's all an experience. Have you ever heard the expression "When life gives you lemons, make lemonade." We have a mixture of life experiences and the more we can embrace them, the more we can enjoy our lives. The more we enjoy and embrace our lives, the more enjoyable it becomes too as we can see things as they really are.  Have you ever heard that 'like attracts like'? A great example is if you meet somebody and they are unpleasant towards you, how do you react to them? Probably in a similar way. Likewise if they are pleasant and friendly towards you, how would you react to them then? You would most likely be pleasant and friendly towards them too.  It's one of life's natural ways of building rapport - (when in Rome, do as the Romans do)! A colleague of mine recently tried a whole day of being negative and a whole day of being positive just to see how people reacted towards her and as you can guess, on her negative day, people were grumpy towards her and avoided her; whereas on her positive day, people were much nicer and friendlier. So what about the flip side to positivity? What about the negative life experiences we have? Again, it's trying to see them as they are.  Life isn't always plain sailing - and it's just as well.  We really wouldn't be able to appreciate the good times if they were all good! Sometimes particularly sad things happen (i.e. death) and it's perfectly natural to grieve and to be sad & upset but you will probably notice though that as time goes by, you will remember the good times and will smile about some of your happy memories. So you see, life is all about balance and sometimes when something seems to be negative (including being made redundant), you may find that in time, this can turn into a more positive experience as it can give you time to reflect and think about what you really want. Very often in life as one door closes, another one opens. Have you ever looked back on your life and realised that what may have felt like a bad time actually was a valuable learning experience? Positive thinking isn't about expectations, it's about seeing the best out of situations. So where you can, try to 'Look on the bright side of life!' Connecting: If you need a helping hand on being more positive in your life or if you would like to find out more about Life Coaching please feel free to contact me on (01993) 824993 or click on your preferred link below: Email: info@icanlifecoaching.co.uk View my website: www.icanlifecoaching.co.uk Follow my Facebook Page: ICanLifeCoaching Join me on Twitter: @icanlifecoachin Connect with me on LinkedIn: Nicolina Zarola Read my blog: icanlifecoaching.blogspot.co.uk Follow me on Pinterest: icanlifecoachin

Some tools to feel happy: Tool number 1: Put a smile on your face! Apparently, just by smiling, we send signals to our brains that we are happy (regardless of whether we actually are or not!) So keep smiling! Tool number 2: The power of gratitude Just by spending time appreciating what you have can lift your spirits enormously! The more you do this, the more you appreciate and the happier you will feel. It can be absolutely anything:  breathing; appreciating what you can see; having a comfy bed to sleep on; appreciating what people in your life give you; appreciating your food; appreciating the emotions people make you feel etc Why not try this Attitude of Gratitude! Tool number 3: You get what you focus on If you focus on being sad and unhappy, that's what you will get. If you focus on being happy and all the good things in your life, that's what you will get! Sounds too simple doesn't it! But it's the 'like attracts like' You don't need to travel the world to find happiness. It's right there inside of you!  Tool number 4: Find time to do things you enjoy doing Even if it's just for 5 or 10 minutes a day, you can change your state of mind very quickly. Think about what you enjoy doing and spend time doing it, it could be: Gardening Reading Walking (nature is incredibly powerful) Listening to uplifting music Dancing around your living room (dance like no-one's watching!) Laughter Therapy Relaxing to music Meditation/relaxing Having quiet 'me time' Exercising/Stretching Socialising This is a very short list. So think about what you enjoy doing and set aside some time to do it! Sharing: If you like this newsletter and feel others may benefit, please feel free to share by clicking on the links below: Like Tweet Forward to Friend +1 Share If a friend has forwarded this to you and you would like to subscribe, please click here

Copyright © 2013 I Can Life Coaching, All rights reserved. unsubscribe from this list    update subscription preferences All content is the opinion of myself and you are encouraged to make your own opinions and decisions in your life suitable for you!